Anxiety Is Not Always As It Seems
People think that anxiety is having a panic attack or not liking big crowds. Well that is some of what anxiety is, but it’s so much more than that. It shows up in each and every one of our lives – but in very different ways and severity levels.
People think that anxiety is having a panic attack or not liking big crowds. Well that is some of what anxiety is, but it’s so much more than that. It shows up in each and every one of our lives – but in very different ways and severity levels.
For individuals that steer towards perfectionism, our internal anxiety shows up differently externally and we are often praised for it. Therefore, sending messages to our anxiety that it is needed for our survival and needs to keep working overtime to keep us above water. From the outside we are seen as people who “have our shit together” are “always on time” and “are super organized” but on the inside we have a constant tummy ache, are crying in the bathroom at work, and have a difficult time turning off our brains and falling asleep.
Anxiety is a tricky thing – often wearing different masks and being quite sneaky in how it shows up in each of our lives.
Below are some of the most common polarizations from what people see (external) and what you feel (internal) experiences.
What people see: always on time
What you feel: instant tummy ache if I think I am going to be one minute late to something
What people see: strong work ethic
What you feel: fear of being fired over the littlest things and / or disappointing my boss
What people see: always in control
What you feel: something will go wrong if I do not do everything myself
What people see: good at planning
What you feel: I need to be prepared in case bad things X, Y or Z happens
What people see: always organized
What you feel: I have to be organized so I don’t get overwhelmed and have a meltdown
What people see: super helpful
What you feel: If I say “no” they will think that I don’t care about them
What people see: zen and relaxed
What you feel: if I do not meditate, do yoga, and breathe, I am going to lose my sh*t
What people see: self-assured
What you feel: “Do not listen to anxiety, you got this, you got this, you got this….”
What people see: calm and composed
What you feel: * Just finished crying in the bathroom… * “I can do this”
Give yourself some space to be both on time but to share that it causes you tummy aches, to be self assured but also know that you have anxious parts of self to be calm in the moment but know that you just got done crying in the bathroom. We all have LOTS of different parts inside of us, but often times we have a few that want to dominate and shine brightest. Create some space for the others.
I am Shannon Gonter and I specialize in working with men and young adults. I am passionate about my career and want to work with you to create positive change. I also strive to create a counseling environment where men and young adults can relate, feel heard, and find new solutions to their negative patterns. Some issues that I most commonly work with are stress, relationship issues, difficulty saying “no” to others, difficulties recognizing emotions and emotionally connecting to others, anger, and intimacy issues, among others.
The information and resources contained on this website are for informational purposes only and are not intended to assess, diagnose, or treat any medical and/or mental health disease or condition. The use of this website does not imply nor establish any type of therapist-client relationship. Furthermore, the information obtained from this site should not be considered a substitute for a thorough medical and/or mental health evaluation by an appropriately credentialed and licensed professional.
Find A Therapist And Mental Health Stigma
When thinking about entering into a relationship with a counselor/therapist or not, one of your evaluating factors HAS TO BE the societal stigma of “being in therapy”. Say what?! Huh. I don’t say this to heighten or increase the stigma but because this is a HUGE barrier that keeps people from asking for help from a trained mental health professional.
When thinking about entering into a relationship with a counselor/therapist or not, one of your evaluating factors HAS TO BE the societal stigma of - being in therapy - going to see a counselor - asking for help from someone outside of the family - asking for help at all.
Say what?! Huh.
I don’t say this because I want to heighten or increase the stigma but because this is a HUGE barrier that keeps people from asking for help from a trained mental health professional in the first place.
Without having the explicit or implicit stigma in our conscious awareness, how are we ever going to take control of it? ( hint hint - we won’t)
When stigma is not controlled it can consume us (and definitely when we don’t even recognize or know its there).
When it consumes us it keeps us STUCK.
When we feel stuck, we can sometimes feel HELPLESS & HOPELESS.
When we feel like this we often feel like there is NO OTHER OPTION than where we are now.
But I am here to show you, that there is!
No secret that there is a stigma of personal mental health services and the industry as a whole. So once we can be aware and welcome the stigma associated with asking for help from a therapist (as one of the multiple factors in the equation) we can take ownership of it and ask that part of us that is feeling the stigma what’s up and learn more about why is feels that way. What does it need to tell us? What is it afraid of? Let’s get curious about why it’s there.
Example: John works out on a regular basis and eats healthy. He has done these things for years and usually it assists him after a stressful day but the past year it just doesn’t seem to be cutting it anymore. He has been told by his friends and family for years that therapy would really help him. They let him know that it will really assist him relieve some of the work stress he is experiencing and be more present when at home. He knows his brother has seen a therapist in the past and he knows that it assisted him greatly.
So he started following lots of mental health and wellness professionals on social media and gets some benefit and relief from filling his feed with positively and helpful, educational mental health and wellness facts. This allows him to manage for a little bit longer and but he soon looses interest in social media.
He finally says that he will go see a counselor because he knows that him following lots of health and wellness individuals on social media, working out regularly, and eating healthy just isn’t doing it for him anymore. He starts by just googling “how to find a counselor in Louisville, KY”. He is directed to a mental health directory site and starts using the search filters to find someone that fits his financial, location and personal needs.
These prompted search filters allow him to think about some of the items in the equation to seeing a counselor. Takes into account his financials, and his budget for services and if he is going to use his insurance. Thinks about what type of services he would like talk therapy, testing, or medication management. Factors in if he wants to see someone in person or online or maybe even a combination of the two. Possibly the demographics of the individual he wants to talk with and if he feels most comfortable with a male, female, POC, etc. Maybe he even factors in some personal recommendations and he goes back to those friends and family members and he asks them if they have seen a professional before and if they could recommend anyone. And maybe he even checks in with his medical professional at their next check up…
He does such a thorough and amazing job at filtering and researching the variety of therapists in his area and he has it narrowed down to this one therapist that he feels gets him. Their professional website and social media presence speaks to him and he just feels like he has already got so much benefit from reading their blogs. He gets excited about his future and the ways his life could look differently if he could get into an appointment with this professional.
He types up an inquiry email to send and doesn’t send it. He thinks about calling but never does. He continues to add it to his to do list but it never gets done.
This cycle continues for the next 6 months all while he continues to beat himself up around the fact that he “can never do anything right” or “follow through with anything” and that he is “doomed” and just feels “so stuck”.
PAUSE. Familiar with this scenario at all?
I am! This is all so common in the mental health field. I believe it is because stigma was never one of the conscious factors thought out. It was very much an unconscious thing doing its job behind the scenes, keeping John stuck.
We grow up with films, tv and possibly our friends and family painting a picture of what the mental health industry looks like. Unfortunately, they get it all wrong. They tell us what “crazy” looks like, how the mental health world is only at psychiatric hospitals, framing that “only alcoholics see therapists”, telling us that we shouldn’t share our home life with “strangers”, and so forth. Most of us were never really set up for success with the appropriate education, support and foundation to be able to navigate the mental health world in a healthy way to begin with.
So, let’s go back to the beginning and normalize mental health! Allow the stigma that is ingrained in all of us and our society to be one of the factors and challenge it head on! How do we do this? How can John allow this into the picture so it doesn’t keep him stuck behind the scenes?
Ways to do this:
Challenge:
We don’t think any differently of those who get their hair cut by a hair stylist, or who hire personal trainer so why think any differently of those who hire people to work on their inner workings?!
Normalize:
We are all humans and all humans have a mental health to maintain and look after. And remember, very few of us were given the appropriate tools, spaces or resources to know what to do with all these feels. AND even those of us who have masters and doctorate level degrees in mental health are not immune from it! #TheFeelsGetUsAll
Choice:
This is your past, present and future. Take ownership of it. Just because people ahead of us or next to us say certain things and do certain things, doesn’t mean we have to subscribe to those as well. We can do something else in the present moment so our futures look differently.
Talk:
To a friend, a family member, virtual partners, co-workers, or to your journal. Remember though that a friend or family member is not professionally trained to help you grow, heal, and change. It’s likely that your friends and family will give you their best advice, but you may need another set of eyes and ears on the matter and that is where a trained, licensed mental health professional can come in. Whereas a friend might give advice based on their personal relationship with you or based on their own life experience, I am interested in helping you find your own answers by helping you to connect with what is true and right for you. I am committed to maintaining an unbiased and judgement-free position in the room.
The only way to do something about anything is to bring awareness to it, name it, create space for it, be curious about what to do with it and then see how it evolves in this newfound space of awareness and action. #CreateSpace #AllowCompassion
Written by Shannon Gonter
I specialize in working young adults. I am passionate about my career and want to work with you to create positive change. I also strive to create a counseling environment where men and young adults can relate, feel heard, and find new solutions to their negative patterns. Some issues that I most commonly work with are stress, relationship issues, difficulty saying “no” to others, difficulties recognizing emotions and emotionally connecting to others, anger, and intimacy issues, among others.
*The information and resources contained on this website are for informational purposes only and are not intended to assess, diagnose, or treat any medical and/or mental health disease or condition. The use of this website does not imply nor establish any type of therapist-client relationship. Furthermore, the information obtained from this site should not be considered a substitute for a thorough medical and/or mental health evaluation by an appropriately credentialed and licensed professional.
Mental Health Stigma
People don’t think twice about hiring an interior designer if they don’t have experience decorating houses, or hiring a wedding planner to coordinate their wedding weekend, or have pause about paying a plumber to come in and do some work.
People don’t think twice about hiring an interior designer if they don’t have experience decorating houses, or hiring a wedding planner to coordinate their wedding weekend, or have pause about paying a plumber to come in and do some work.
For real, if a friend was complaining to you about keeping up their yard, the conversation wouldn’t get too deep before you suggested to hire a lawn care company to help them out. Or if your friend cut their own hair and it didn’t turn out looking too hot, you may suggest making an appointment with a trained hair stylist the next time they need a hair cut.
For the most part we can all agree that there is nothing wrong with seeking out additional support from a trained professional when needed and that we often are in search of others that we can rely on.
But sadly, when it comes to our internal states and our emotions, the story changes dramatically.
With counseling and mental health, the picture that is painted of someone who seeks professional assistance from a trained mental health professional is that they are weak, damaged, not strong enough to handle it on their own, broken, have a lot of things wrong with them and on and on.
I call BS on that.
Individuals who enter therapy are strong, capable people who want to understand themselves and the world around them a little bit better and grow with the every changing demands our world places on us.
The idea that entering counseling is something “weak” people do is shifting more and more as the years pass (thank goodness) but unfortunately the stigma is still there. Mental Health Louisville is an initiative in Louisville, KY aiming to rid the city of the mental health stigma. I hope more of the same mission driven agencies pop up around the nation because this is not just an issue in KY, it’s everywhere.
I am Shannon Gonter and I specialize in working with men and young adults. I am passionate about my career and want to work with you to create positive change. I also strive to create a counseling environment where men and young adults can relate, feel heard, and find new solutions to their negative patterns. Some issues that I most commonly work with are stress, relationship issues, difficulty saying “no” to others, difficulties recognizing emotions and emotionally connecting to others, anger, and intimacy issues, among others.
The information and resources contained on this website are for informational purposes only and are not intended to assess, diagnose, or treat any medical and/or mental health disease or condition. The use of this website does not imply nor establish any type of therapist-client relationship. Furthermore, the information obtained from this site should not be considered a substitute for a thorough medical and/or mental health evaluation by an appropriately credentialed and licensed professional.
Guided Meditation Script
This guided imagery script will help you explore your values and connect with your authentic self. This is a great script to use as a relaxation technique and to get in touch with your true self, live up to your full potential, and live according to your true identity in day-to-day life.
Hey everyone. I am Shannon Gonter. I am a mental health counselor here in Louisville, KY and today I am going to guide you all through a type of meditation today called a guided meditation.
This guided imagery script will help you explore your values and connect with your authentic self. This is a great script to use as a relaxation technique and to get in touch with your true self, live up to your full potential, and live according to your true identity in day-to-day life.
Just some basic meditation tips and tricks before we get started in case this is your first attempt at meditation or mindfulness-based practices.
Don’t get so caught up in the “how” – just do. Pretty much everyone has thoughts of “I am doing this wrong”. Don’t worry, you aren’t. There is no right way to do it. Don’t stress about where to sit, how to sit, what cushion to use … this is all nice, but it’s not that important to get started. Start just by sitting on a chair, or on your couch. Or on your bed. On the ground. Whatever is most comfortable for you.
Don’t worry about clearing the mind. Lots of people think meditation is about clearing your mind or stopping all thoughts. It’s not. This can sometimes happen, but it’s not the “goal” of meditation. If you have thoughts, that’s normal. We all do. Our brains are thought factories, and we can’t just shut them down. Instead, just try to practice focusing your attention, and practice some more when your mind wanders.
Judgement free zone. When thoughts pop up or you and you find yourself distracted. That’s okay. Don’t judge yourself and be like “oh crap go away thoughts I supposed to be focusing on her voice”. Just thank those thoughts for being there, let them know you see or hear them and will check back in with them after. Bring yourself back to your breath and repeat when it happens again. Not if it happens again, but when. Because it will and that’s okay.
Meditation is not about clearing your mind and stopping all thoughts. It’s about giving your mind something to focus on and about the practice of bringing yourself back to that intention over and over again. Building that muscle throughout that meditation or mindfulness-based activity.
Want to give a shout out to inner health studio for this free script.
Okay, okay so let’s get comfortable and ready to begin. It is going to be about ten minutes long.
SCRIPT:
Okay. Let’s all take a deep breath in through our nose and out through our mouths.
Begin by getting comfortable. You may want to sit or lie down. Close your eye or focus your gaze on one spot in the room.
Start to relax your body, beginning with your feet. Allow a feeling of relaxation to fill your feet...feeling heavy, loose, and relaxed. Relax your ankles...lower legs...and knees.
Allow the relaxation to continue, relaxing your upper legs. Let the muscles of your legs completely let go...feeling very heavy and very relaxed.
Relax your hips and pelvis, and all the surrounding muscles. Feel your stomach and lower back relaxing...the muscles giving up their hold.
Feel the relaxation in your chest, back, and sides...feeling very relaxed...very heavy.
Let your hands relax, all the way from your fingertips to your wrists. Feel your lower arms relaxing...letting go. Relax your elbows and upper arms...loose and heavy.
Relax your shoulders, feeling them lowering slightly...finding a comfortable, relaxed position...free from tension...
Allow the muscles of your neck to relax...letting go...and relax your face and head.
Feel your entire body relaxing even more deeply...becoming completely relaxed...limp...heavy...comfortable.
Now turn your attention inward...even more deeply inside...to find your authentic self.
Begin by reflecting upon your values.
What is the most important to you in life?
What do you value?
Where does your sense of right and wrong come from?
Spend the next few moments thinking about your values.
(Pause)
The values you have been thinking of make-up part of the core of who you are. If you are being true to your values, these core beliefs will drive your behavior.
It feels good to behave in ways that are consistent with your values. For example, if honesty is something you value, this could be reflected in your life by being truthful. If you value your family, perhaps your life reflects this in the time you spend with family members.
Think about how your values can be a part of your day-to-day life.
(Pause)
Now consider what else makes you who you are. Finding your authentic self involves learning who you truly are.
Your authentic self is the real you, the person you are truly meant to be. Your authentic self is the person you are the core, the person you can be if nothing holds you back.
Imagine the person you believe yourself to be right now. It's okay if you aren't quite sure who you are...just picture yourself going about the things you usually do in a typical day.
Imagine that you are watching yourself...observing yourself going about your usual activities.
See yourself getting up in the morning...
going about your day...
imagine the things that you do in a typical day.
See yourself doing these activities.
Picture this person...you...standing in an empty room.
Imagine watching this person...observe...
now imagine you could strip away all the things that hold you back from your full potential.
Imagine self-doubt dissolving...being replaced with confidence and self-assurance.
Picture this person before you, and imagine all the things that get in the way of success...such as circumstances, lack of resources, lack of forgiveness, illness, baggage from the past...anything that is holding this person back in any way at all...
See these problems dissolving...disappearing...going away...
Now imagine this person, standing in the empty room. What is left? Who is this person when all those barriers are stripped away?
This person is you.
Imagine who you are at the core...the pure character that is left when there is nothing to get in the way of complete self-expression.
You may only have a vague picture in your mind right now...let's allow that picture to come into focus...becoming more clear...
Think of your motivations...what motivates you? What drives your behavior? What catches your interest...or has caught your interest in the past? What propels you to action?
Think about your personality and character traits...the characteristics that are left when all barriers are removed and all fears have gone away. At your fullest potential, your simplest form...with no fears...what traits do you have? Think about your energy...are you laid back and calm, or are you energetic? Think about your other characteristics...
Are you introverted or extroverted?
Quiet or talkative?
Are you creative?
Are you practical?
What sorts of things do you appreciate?
What do you admire?
What do you like?
Imagine something that makes you feel happy...what is it?
Think of some things you enjoy...things that you like to do...
Think about all the characteristics of the person who is left when all barriers and fears are removed.
(Pause)
Now let's create a different picture. Imagine yourself as a young child, in a happy moment. See the potential in this child. Who is this young person? What makes this child who he or she is?
(Pause)
Think about the characteristics that you share with this child. In what ways are you similar? In what ways does the current you differ from this child? Think about how you have learned and grown since the time you were a small child.
(Pause)
Now picture yourself as the child...see the world through your younger self's eyes.
What did you want to be when you grew up? What hopes did you have for your future self? What dreams did you have as a child?
The hopes and dreams you had as a child were probably related in some way to your authentic self. Something about your dreams was connected to a part of your true self. What do these aspirations say about who you are? What personal characteristics of yours are related to your childhood dreams?
For example, if as a child you dreamed about becoming an astronaut, you probably have some personality traits that relate to this dream...such as being adventurous, curious, analytical...
Think about your own childhood dreams, and see what these dreams say about who you are.
(Pause)
Now create one final picture in your mind. Imagine, in as much detail as you can, the person you want to be. Imagine your ideal self...
How would this person behave? What does this person, your authentic self, value? What motivates this ideal self? What personal characteristics are present in this ideal version of you? Imagine all the details of the person you most want to be.
(Pause)
The image in your mind right now, of this ideal person, is you. This is your authentic self. This is who you are. At the core, beneath all of life's getting in the way...this is you.
Spend a few moments with this image of your authentic self.
Now allow yourself to step inside this image, and fully become this person. Become who you are. For this moment, just be...simply be your authentic self.
Feel a sense of calm and serenity...secure in who you are...knowing who you are. This is you. Your authentic self.
You can take this authentic self with you...allowing this true essence of you to shine through in everyday life. Allow your values, personality, and motivations to shine though...to guide your behavior...to make up who you are.
You have always been this person...you always will be your authentic self...a positive, confident person. A person you like and appreciate. Underneath the challenges, the baggage, the demands of living life...this is the real you that will always be with you.
(Pause)
It's time to reawaken now...to conclude this relaxation exercise...
Keep the image of your authentic self with you as you go about the rest of your day. Express this true self...and allow you to simply be you.
Wiggle your fingers, waking up your hands and arms...
Move your toes, allowing your feet and legs to wake up...
Feel your muscles reawakening...and your whole-body filling with energy.
Open your eyes and sit quietly for a moment while you reorient to your surroundings...
When you are completely awake and alert, you can return to your usual activities, feeling confident and calm, in touch with your authentic self.
Written by Shannon Gonter
I specialize in working young adults. I am passionate about my career and want to work with you to create positive change. I also strive to create a counseling environment where men and young adults can relate, feel heard, and find new solutions to their negative patterns. Some issues that I most commonly work with are stress, relationship issues, difficulty saying “no” to others, difficulties recognizing emotions and emotionally connecting to others, anger, and intimacy issues, among others.
The information and resources contained on this website are for informational purposes only and are not intended to assess, diagnose, or treat any medical and/or mental health disease or condition. The use of this website does not imply nor establish any type of therapist-client relationship. Furthermore, the information obtained from this site should not be considered a substitute for a thorough medical and/or mental health evaluation by an appropriately credentialed and licensed professional.
Guided Body Scan
A body scan will assist and allow you to bring awareness to every single part of your body, noticing any aches, pains, tensions or general discomfort that is often overlooked during our day to day because we are so busy and so many external things are demanding our attention.
Hey everyone. I am Shannon Gonter. I am a mental health counselor here in Louisville, KY and today I am going to guide you all through a type of meditation today called a body scan.
A body scan is a really good introductory meditation to do because it focuses on the body and the different body parts and sensations you are feeling in a gradual sequence from the feet to the head.
It will assist and allow you to bring awareness to every single part of your body, noticing any aches, pains, tensions or general discomfort that is often overlooked during our day to day because we are so busy and so many external things are demanding our attention.
Just some basic meditation tips and tricks before we get started in case this is your first attempt at meditation or mindfulness-based practices.
Don’t get so caught up in the “how” – just do. Pretty much everyone has thoughts of “I am doing this wrong”. Don’t worry, you aren’t. There is no right way to do it. Don’t stress about where to sit, how to sit, what cushion to use … this is all nice, but it’s not that important to get started. Start just by sitting on a chair, or on your couch. Or on your bed. On the ground. Whatever is most comfortable for you.
Don’t worry about clearing the mind. Lots of people think meditation is about clearing your mind or stopping all thoughts. It’s not. This can sometimes happen, but it’s not the “goal” of meditation. If you have thoughts, that’s normal. We all do. Our brains are thought factories, and we can’t just shut them down. Instead, just try to practice focusing your attention, and practice some more when your mind wanders.
Judgement free zone. When thoughts pop up or you and you find yourself distracted. That’s okay. Don’t judge yourself and be like “oh crap go away thoughts I supposed to be focusing on her voice”. Just thank those thoughts for being there, let them know you see or hear them and will check back in with them after. Bring yourself back to your breath and repeat when it happens again. Not if it happens again, but when. Because it will and that’s okay.
Meditation is not about clearing your mind and stopping all thoughts. It’s about giving your mind something to focus on and about the practice of bringing yourself back to that intention over and over again. Building that muscle throughout that meditation or mindfulness-based activity.
Okay, okay so let’s get comfortable and ready to begin. It is going to be about ten minutes long.
SCRIPT:
Okay. Let’s all take a deep breath in through our nose and out through our mouths.
Welcome to this body scan practice, you can either do this sitting or lying down. Whatever is most comfortable for you. If you are lying down, lie on your back and if you are sitting just settle in and get comfortable.
This is an internal practice so you are welcome to close your eyes while doing this practice, but you don’t have to. If you want to keep your eyes open just keep a dull gaze towards the floor or the ceiling so that you are not staring at anyone or anything in specific.
Let’s begin by taking a few deep breaths.
Pause
We do this to transition you from where you were to where you are now and welcome ourselves into the moment. Breathe in…breathe out.
Doing a brief mindful check in, getting a sense of the positioning of your body, becoming aware at this time of the day in this moment how your body is feeling, noticing if there is any tension or tightness anywhere.
Also being aware of how you are feeling emotionally at this moment. Is there a sense of calmness, or frustration or restlessness, or perhaps there is a lightness or a neutral feeling. Just exploring this with a curious mind and seeing what comes up.
Get a sense of how the mind is doing in this moment. Is it very busy or is it calm? Does it seem restless or grounded? Breathing in and breathing out. Reminding ourselves that none of this is about judgment but about getting to know where we are starting from.
Breathing in and breathing out. Allowing your breathe to flow throughout your body.
Pause.
Begin to get a sense of the breath. Bring a beginners mind to this practice, notice where
Maybe it is in the nose or the nostrils, perhaps the chest or the abdomen, just take note and notice where and how you feel this in your body.
Breathing in and breathing out.
Noticing this breath as if for the first time, this inhalation and breathing out as if for the first time. Just the awareness of the breath, as it comes in and as it goes out, breath by breath.
Short pause.
Bringing our awareness to the body. Noticing any sensations. There may be tingling at one point, heaviness, maybe a lightness, itchiness, warmth or coolness, pressure or pulsing, maybe a whole array of sensations that are occurring in the body.
Our work for the next few minutes is to notice these sensations and be curious about them. As if it is the first time we are noticing theses sensations at all.
Begin by bringing your attention to the feet, noticing any sensations in the soles of the feet, the toes, the top of the feet, and up until the ankle joints. Bringing awareness to the feet and the ankles, and whatever is being experienced just allowing it and letting it be. Not trying to change it, just noticing it.
Now bringing attention up from the feet and ankles and intentionally moving the awareness up into the legs. Noticing any feelings in the calves, shins, knees, hamstrings, quadriceps, feeling into the entirety of the legs.
Bringing a sense of curiosity to your legs. Picturing your breath flowing in and down your legs. Swirling around. Noticing any sensations along the way.
Pause.
Now shifting up from there, into the hips, noticing how with intention you can move your awareness from body part to body part. Focusing now on the hips. Simply just noticing what’s going on there. No need to analyze what’s going on, simply just letting things be and observing what’s going on.
Now once again in the space of awareness, moving the attention up from the hips into the torso. Noticing sensations in the back, lower back, upper back chest and the abdomen.
Knowing that this torso is home to so many vital organs and a place where we hold many of our emotions. Anxiousness, restlessness, frustration, joy, calmness and many more. Just spending a few extra moments sending out breathe to the torso and feeling into what is going on here. Just observing and letting it be.
Intentionally choosing to shift awareness from the torso into the arms and down into your hands. Feeling into the arms and hands, starting from the shoulders, and moving down into your biceps, triceps, forearms, wrists, hands and fingers. Maybe just bringing your awareness to the fact that you have arms at all. Breathing and feeling the arms and hands.
Short pause.
Moving back up the arms and shifting our focus into the neck, and from the neck to the face. Being aware of what’s going on in the face and any pressure felt here.
Breathing into what’s there, and breathing out and letting be. Settle in.
Now within this space of awareness, as you are hearing my voice right now, intentionally choosing to shift awareness to the scalp. The top of the scalp, the sides of the scalp, the back of the scalp, and even to your ears. Keep your focus on the scalp and notice what sensations there are, if any.
Short pause.
Breathing in and breathing out and starting to let go of any intentional awareness of the head and face and shoulders and arms and hands and torso and hips, and legs and feet. And just gently coming back to the breath. Focusing on the breath. Breathing in and breathing out.
Breathing in and noticing how the whole body expands and breathing out noticing how the body contracts.
Getting a sense of this body and how it is connected and whole.
Last thing to acknowledge before bringing some movement back to the body is the choice you had to take this time our of your day to focus on yourself.
Short pause.
Bringing some gentle movement back into your body. Moving your toes. Wiggling your Fingers. Rolling your ankles and wrists. Stretching in any way that feels most comfortable for you. Ending this meditation with a long, deep cleansing breath and opening your eyes whenever you are comfortable and ready to come back into the room.
Pause.
Thank you everyone. Your body appreciates you taking the time to intentionally be with it for a few moments today.
Written by Shannon Gonter
I specialize in working young adults. I am passionate about my career and want to work with you to create positive change. I also strive to create a counseling environment where men and young adults can relate, feel heard, and find new solutions to their negative patterns. Some issues that I most commonly work with are stress, relationship issues, difficulty saying “no” to others, difficulties recognizing emotions and emotionally connecting to others, anger, and intimacy issues, among others.
The information and resources contained on this website are for informational purposes only and are not intended to assess, diagnose, or treat any medical and/or mental health disease or condition. The use of this website does not imply nor establish any type of therapist-client relationship. Furthermore, the information obtained from this site should not be considered a substitute for a thorough medical and/or mental health evaluation by an appropriately credentialed and licensed professional.
Podcasts For Mental Health
Educating yourself on various mental health related topics can be very beneficial and impactful on your day to day life. Check out the various podcasts and audio file apps that can assist you in exploring your inner world with more confidence and tackling the external happenings with more ease.
Unlocking Us
Join researcher and #1 New York Times best-selling author Brené Brown as she unpacks and explores the ideas, stories, experiences, books, films, and music that reflect the universal experiences of being human, from the bravest moments to the most brokenhearted.
10% happier
10% Happier author Dan Harris talks with meditation pioneers, celebrities, scientists, and health experts about training our minds.
Happiness Lab
You might think more money, a better job, or Instagram-worthy vacations would make you happy. You’re dead wrong. In "The Happiness Lab" podcast, Yale professor Dr Laurie Santos will take you through the latest scientific research and share some surprising and inspiring stories that will forever alter the way you think about happiness. She's changed the lives of thousands of people through her class "Psychology and the Good Life," and she'll change yours, too.
Are you ready to feel better?
Get Out of Your Own Way
Learn from Brittany Johnson, LMHC about “getting out of your own way”. Exploring your why, things we do to self sabotage, and more.
The Struggle Bus
The Struggle Bus is an advice show about mental health, self-care, and just getting through the damn day. Co-hosts Katharine Heller (@spkheller) and Sally Tamarkin (@sallyt) answer listener questions about family, friends, work, mental health, love, and literally everything else — no topic is off-limits and no problem is too big, too small, or too weird. Climb aboard and get advice from two friends who have lots of feelings and lots of opinions.
IFS Talks
IFS Talks is an audio series to deepen connections with the Internal Family Systems Model through conversations with lead trainers, authors, practitioners and users.
You can find it here at this link.In these audio interviews, we will have the opportunity to draw out aspects of IFS Lead Trainers and skilled presenters to create a user-friendly format for listeners to get to know each trainer or practitioner, their background, in and before IFS. With candid, self-led dialogue, trainers and practitioners can share their specific interests with listeners interested in deepening their inner knowledge and IFS practice.
Written by Shannon Gonter
I specialize in working young adults. I am passionate about my career and want to work with you to create positive change. I also strive to create a counseling environment where men and young adults can relate, feel heard, and find new solutions to their negative patterns. Some issues that I most commonly work with are stress, relationship issues, difficulty saying “no” to others, difficulties recognizing emotions and emotionally connecting to others, anger, and intimacy issues, among others.
The information and resources contained on this website are for informational purposes only and are not intended to assess, diagnose, or treat any medical and/or mental health disease or condition. The use of this website does not imply nor establish any type of therapist-client relationship. Furthermore, the information obtained from this site should not be considered a substitute for a thorough medical and/or mental health evaluation by an appropriately credentialed and licensed professional.
Guided Mantra Meditation
A mantra meditation is repeating a word, phrase, prayer or fragment of a poem for meditation. This can be really great because you can easily personalize the mantra you want to use for the day to fit what is going on. Suggested to choose something that is uplifting and that inspires you to engage and connect with your heart.
Hey everyone. I am Shannon Gonter. I am a mental health counselor here in Louisville, KY and today I am going to guide you all through a type of meditation today called a body scan.
A mantra meditation is repeating a word, phrase, prayer or fragment of a poem for meditation. This can be really great because you can easily personalize the mantra you want to use for the day to fit what is going on. Suggested to choose something that is uplifting and that inspires you to engage and connect with your heart.
Just some basic meditation tips and tricks before we get started in case this is your first attempt at meditation or mindfulness-based practices.
Don’t get so caught up in the “how” – just do. Pretty much everyone has thoughts of “I am doing this wrong”. Don’t worry, you aren’t. There is no right way to do it. Don’t stress about where to sit, how to sit, what cushion to use … this is all nice, but it’s not that important to get started. Start just by sitting on a chair, or on your couch. Or on your bed. On the ground. Whatever is most comfortable for you.
Don’t worry about clearing the mind. Lots of people think meditation is about clearing your mind or stopping all thoughts. It’s not. This can sometimes happen, but it’s not the “goal” of meditation. If you have thoughts, that’s normal. We all do. Our brains are thought factories, and we can’t just shut them down. Instead, just try to practice focusing your attention, and practice some more when your mind wanders.
Judgement free zone. When thoughts pop up or you and you find yourself distracted. That’s okay. Don’t judge yourself and be like “oh crap go away thoughts I supposed to be focusing on her voice”. Just thank those thoughts for being there, let them know you see or hear them and will check back in with them after. Bring yourself back to your breath and repeat when it happens again. Not if it happens again, but when. Because it will and that’s okay.
Meditation is not about clearing your mind and stopping all thoughts. It’s about giving your mind something to focus on and about the practice of bringing yourself back to that intention over and over again. Building that muscle throughout that meditation or mindfulness-based activity.
Okay, okay so let’s get comfortable and ready to begin. It is going to be about ten minutes long.
SCRIPT:
It is going to be about ten minutes long. I am not going to be participating in the meditation because I need to keep track of the time and focus on my script but if you have your camera on or anything just move it to the side and make sure it’s in a space that you can hear me but that it isn’t distracting for you to see me.
Okay. Let’s all take a deep breath in through our nose and out through our mouths.
Welcome to this mantra practice, you can either do this sitting or lying down. Whatever is most comfortable for you. If you are lying down, lie on your back and if you are sitting just settle in and get comfortable.
This is an internal practice, so you are welcome to close your eyes while doing this practice, but you don’t have to. If you want to keep your eyes open just keep a dull gaze towards the floor or the ceiling so that you are not staring at anyone or anything in specific.
Let’s begin by taking a few deep breaths.
Long pause.
For this meditation I will simply repeat a phrase over and over and over again. You can focus on the words that I am saying and repeat them back to yourself in your head. Half way through the meditation I will switch up the word “I” with the word “you”. When I do this I would like you to try and switch your focus from yourself to a specific person in your life that you love.
Remembering that we are here to focus on our breath and relax. Leaving the judgements and expectations at the door. Breathing in and breathing out.
Today’s manta will be:
May I be happy. May I be well. May I be safe. May I be peaceful and at ease.
(repeat for 4 minutes)
May you be happy. May you be well. May you be safe. May you be peaceful and at ease.
(repeat for 4 minutes)
Short pause.
Concluding the meditation with a deep inhale through your nose and a long exhale through your mouth. Moving your body and stretching in any way you may need and opening your eyes and coming back into the room whenever you are ready.
Short pause.
Thank you everyone. Your body appreciates you taking the time to intentionally be with it for a few moments today.
Written by Shannon Gonter
I specialize in working young adults. I am passionate about my career and want to work with you to create positive change. I also strive to create a counseling environment where men and young adults can relate, feel heard, and find new solutions to their negative patterns. Some issues that I most commonly work with are stress, relationship issues, difficulty saying “no” to others, difficulties recognizing emotions and emotionally connecting to others, anger, and intimacy issues, among others.
The information and resources contained on this website are for informational purposes only and are not intended to assess, diagnose, or treat any medical and/or mental health disease or condition. The use of this website does not imply nor establish any type of therapist-client relationship. Furthermore, the information obtained from this site should not be considered a substitute for a thorough medical and/or mental health evaluation by an appropriately credentialed and licensed professional.
Good Reads For Your Mental Health
If you are a book worm, check out this blog post and explore some of these good reads. They are filled with science based, factual stories and information that is aimed at assisting you and your day to day life in regards to mental health and understanding yourself and your relationships better.
Wherever You Go, There You Are: Mindfulness Meditation in Everyday Life
When Wherever You Go, There You Are was first published in 1994, no one could have predicted that the book would launch itself onto bestseller lists nationwide and sell over 750,000 copies to date. Ten years later, the book continues to change lives. In honor of the book's 10th anniversary, Hyperion is proud to be releasing the book with a new afterword by the author, and to share this wonderful book with an even larger audience.
The Power of Habit: Why We Do What We Do in Life and Business
In The Power of Habit, award-winning business reporter Charles Duhigg takes us to the thrilling edge of scientific discoveries that explain why habits exist and how they can be changed. Distilling vast amounts of information into engrossing narratives that take us from the boardrooms of Procter & Gamble to the sidelines of the NFL to the front lines of the civil rights movement, Duhigg presents a whole new understanding of human nature and its potential. At its core, The Power of Habit contains an exhilarating argument: The key to exercising regularly, losing weight, being more productive, and achieving success is understanding how habits work. As Duhigg shows, by harnessing this new science, we can transform our businesses, our communities, and our lives.
Maybe You Should Talk to Someone: A Therapist, HER Therapist, and Our Lives Revealed
One day, Lori Gottlieb is a therapist who helps patients in her Los Angeles practice. The next, a crisis causes her world to come crashing down. Enter Wendell, the quirky but seasoned therapist in whose office she suddenly lands. With his balding head, cardigan, and khakis, he seems to have come straight from Therapist Central Casting. Yet he will turn out to be anything but.
As Gottlieb explores the inner chambers of her patients' lives -- a self-absorbed Hollywood producer, a young newlywed diagnosed with a terminal illness, a senior citizen threatening to end her life on her birthday if nothing gets better, and a twenty-something who can't stop hooking up with the wrong guys -- she finds that the questions they are struggling with are the very ones she is now bringing to Wendell.
With startling wisdom and humor, Gottlieb invites us into her world as both clinician and patient, examining the truths and fictions we tell ourselves and others as we teeter on the tightrope between love and desire, meaning and mortality, guilt and redemption, terror and courage, hope and change.
Maybe You Should Talk to Someone is revolutionary in its candor, offering a deeply personal yet universal tour of our hearts and minds and providing the rarest of gifts: a boldly revealing portrait of what it means to be human, and a disarmingly funny and illuminating account of our own mysterious lives and our power to transform them.
The Mindful Twenty-Something: Life Skills to Handle Stress…and Everything Else
As a twenty-something, you may feel like you are being pulled in dozen different directions. With the daily tumult, busyness, and major life changes you experience as a young adult, you may also be particularly vulnerable to stress and its negative effects. Emerging adulthood, which occurs between the ages of 18 and 29, is a developmental stage of life when you’re faced with important decisions about school, relationships, sex, your career, and more. With so much going on, you need a guide to help you navigate with less stress and more ease.
The Koru Mindfulness program, developed at Duke University and already in use on numerous college campuses—including Harvard, Yale, Princeton, MIT, Dartmouth, and several others—and in treatment centers across the country, is the only evidence-based mindfulness training program for young adults that has been empirically proven to have significant benefits for sleep, perceived stress, and self-compassion. Now, with The Mindful Twenty-Something, this popular program is accessible to all young adults struggling with stress.
With Koru Mindfulness and the practical tools you’ll learn from this acceptance-based, proven-effective approach, you’ll be able to cultivate the compassion and mindfulness skills you need to manage life’s challenges from a calm, balanced center, regardless of what comes your way.
Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself
More and more, psychologists are turning away from an emphasis on self-esteem and moving toward self-compassion in the treatment of their patients—and Dr. Neff’s extraordinary book offers exercises and action plans for dealing with every emotionally debilitating struggle, be it parenting, weight loss, or any of the numerous trials of everyday living.
The Subtle Art of Not Giving a #@%!: A Counterintuitive Approach to Living a Good Life
In this generation-defining self-help guide, a superstar blogger cuts through the crap to show us how to stop trying to be "positive" all the time so that we can truly become better, happier people.
For decades, we’ve been told that positive thinking is the key to a happy, rich life. "F**k positivity," Mark Manson says. "Let’s be honest, shit is f**ked and we have to live with it." In his wildly popular Internet blog, Manson doesn’t sugarcoat or equivocate. He tells it like it is—a dose of raw, refreshing, honest truth that is sorely lacking today. The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F**k is his antidote to the coddling, let’s-all-feel-good mindset that has infected modern society and spoiled a generation, rewarding them with gold medals just for showing up.
Manson makes the argument, backed both by academic research and well-timed poop jokes, that improving our lives hinges not on our ability to turn lemons into lemonade, but on learning to stomach lemons better. Human beings are flawed and limited—"not everybody can be extraordinary, there are winners and losers in society, and some of it is not fair or your fault." Manson advises us to get to know our limitations and accept them. Once we embrace our fears, faults, and uncertainties, once we stop running and avoiding and start confronting painful truths, we can begin to find the courage, perseverance, honesty, responsibility, curiosity, and forgiveness we seek.
There are only so many things we can give a f**k about so we need to figure out which ones really matter, Manson makes clear. While money is nice, caring about what you do with your life is better, because true wealth is about experience. A much-needed grab-you-by-the-shoulders-and-look-you-in-the-eye moment of real-talk, filled with entertaining stories and profane, ruthless humor, The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F**k is a refreshing slap for a generation to help them lead contented, grounded lives.
Come as You Are: The Surprising New Science that Will Transform Your Sex Life
Researchers have spent the last decade trying to develop a “pink pill” for women to function like Viagra does for men. So where is it? Well, for reasons this book makes crystal clear, that pill will never be the answer—but as a result of the research that’s gone into it, scientists in the last few years have learned more about how women’s sexuality works than we ever thought possible, and Come as You Are explains it all.
The first lesson in this essential, transformative book by Dr. Emily Nagoski is that every woman has her own unique sexuality, like a fingerprint, and that women vary more than men in our anatomy, our sexual response mechanisms, and the way our bodies respond to the sexual world. So we never need to judge ourselves based on others’ experiences. Because women vary, and that’s normal.
Second lesson: sex happens in a context. And all the complications of everyday life influence the context surrounding a woman’s arousal, desire, and orgasm.
Cutting-edge research across multiple disciplines tells us that the most important factor for women in creating and sustaining a fulfilling sex life, is not what you do in bed or how you do it, but how you feel about it. Which means that stress, mood, trust, and body image are not peripheral factors in a woman’s sexual wellbeing; they are central to it. Once you understand these factors, and how to influence them, you can create for yourself better sex and more profound pleasure than you ever thought possible.
The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You're Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are
When our embarrassments and fears lie, we often listen to them anyway. They thwart our gratitude, acceptance, and compassion—our goodness. They insist, “I am not worthy.” But we are worthy—of self-discovery, personal growth, and boundless love. With Brené Brown’s game-changing New York Times bestseller The Gifts of Imperfection—which has sold more than 2 million copies in more than 30 different languages, and Forbes recently named one of the "Five Books That Will Actually Change Your Outlook On Life"—we find courage to overcome paralyzing fear and self-consciousness, strengthening our connection to the world.
A motivational and inspiring guide to wholehearted living, rather than just the average self-help book, with this groundbreaking work Brené Brown, Ph.D., bolsters the self-esteem and personal development process through her characteristic heartfelt, honest storytelling. With original research and plenty of encouragement, she explores the psychology of releasing our definitions of an “imperfect” life and embracing living authentically. Brown’s “ten guideposts” are benchmarks for authenticity that can help anyone establish a practice for a life of honest beauty—a perfectly imperfect life.
Now more than ever, we all need to cultivate feelings of self-worth, as well as acceptance and love for ourselves. In a world where insults, criticisms, and fears are spread too generously alongside messages of unrealistic beauty, attainment, and expectation, we look for ways to “dig deep” and find truth and gratitude in our lives. A new way forward means we can’t hold on too tightly to our own self-defeating thoughts or the displaced pain in our world. Instead, we can embrace the imperfection.
Unfuck Your Brain: Getting Over Anxiety, Depression, Anger, Freak-Outs, and Triggers with science
Our brains do their best to help us out, but every so often they can be real assholes―having melt downs, getting addicted to things, or shutting down completely at the worst possible moments. Your brain knows it’s not good to do these things, but it can’t help it sometimes―especially if it’s obsessing about trauma it can’t overcome. That’s where this life-changing book comes in.
With humor, patience, science, and lots of good-ole swearing, Dr. Faith explains what’s going on in your skull, and talks you through the process of retraining your brain to respond appropriately to the non-emergencies of everyday life, and to deal effectively with old, or newly acquired, traumas (particularly post-traumatic stress disorder).
The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma
Trauma is a fact of life. Veterans and their families deal with the painful aftermath of combat; one in five Americans has been molested; one in four grew up with alcoholics; one in three couples have engaged in physical violence. Dr. Bessel van der Kolk, one of the world’s foremost experts on trauma, has spent over three decades working with survivors. In The Body Keeps the Score, he uses recent scientific advances to show how trauma literally reshapes both body and brain, compromising sufferers’ capacities for pleasure, engagement, self-control, and trust. He explores innovative treatments—from neurofeedback and meditation to sports, drama, and yoga—that offer new paths to recovery by activating the brain’s natural neuroplasticity. Based on Dr. van der Kolk’s own research and that of other leading specialists, The Body Keeps the Score exposes the tremendous power of our relationships both to hurt and to heal—and offers new hope for reclaiming lives.
Dare to Lead: Brave Work. Tough Conversations. Whole Hearts.
Leadership is not about titles, status, and wielding power. A leader is anyone who takes responsibility for recognizing the potential in people and ideas, and has the courage to develop that potential.
When we dare to lead, we don’t pretend to have the right answers; we stay curious and ask the right questions. We don’t see power as finite and hoard it; we know that power becomes infinite when we share it with others. We don’t avoid difficult conversations and situations; we lean into vulnerability when it’s necessary to do good work.
But daring leadership in a culture defined by scarcity, fear, and uncertainty requires skill-building around traits that are deeply and uniquely human. The irony is that we’re choosing not to invest in developing the hearts and minds of leaders at the exact same time as we’re scrambling to figure out what we have to offer that machines and AI can’t do better and faster. What can we do better? Empathy, connection, and courage, to start.
Written by Shannon Gonter
I specialize in working young adults. I am passionate about my career and want to work with you to create positive change. I also strive to create a counseling environment where men and young adults can relate, feel heard, and find new solutions to their negative patterns. Some issues that I most commonly work with are stress, relationship issues, difficulty saying “no” to others, difficulties recognizing emotions and emotionally connecting to others, anger, and intimacy issues, among others.
The information and resources contained on this website are for informational purposes only and are not intended to assess, diagnose, or treat any medical and/or mental health disease or condition. The use of this website does not imply nor establish any type of therapist-client relationship. Furthermore, the information obtained from this site should not be considered a substitute for a thorough medical and/or mental health evaluation by an appropriately credentialed and licensed professional.
*Therapy by Shannon is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to amazon.com.
Adapt – Adjust – Repeat // Self-Care for Entrepreneurs
Self-care and the small business entrepreneurial world have lots in common. In this post we will explore some of them and ways that you can strengthen your self-care in your professional and personal spaces so you can thrive in all aspects of life.
self-care
/ˌselfˈker/
noun
1. the practice of taking action to preserve or improve one's own health.
2. the practice of taking an active role in protecting one's own well-being and happiness, in particular during periods of stress.
en·tre·pre·neur
/ˌäntrəprəˈnər,ˌäntrəprəˈno͝o(ə)r/
noun
noun: entrepreneur; plural noun: entrepreneurs
1. a person who organizes and operates a business or businesses, taking on greater than normal financial risks in order to do so.
The above definitions make entrepreneurial-ship and self-care seem like 1. concrete, tangible things 2. easy to do things and 3. things that we were taught to do.
#wrong
Okay but on the real front - I do agree with the above definitions. Self-care is helpful during times of stress and an entrepreneur does organize, operate and have financials on the line. I just think there are a few things missing from these definitions. The way they are written now leaves limited room for our true and perceived beliefs and experiences of entrepreneurs and self-care to be inserted in
Self-care is so much more.
As humans living in todays society we may know that self-care is meditating, taking deep breaths, getting a massage, hanging out with friends, etc.. But what a lot of us don’t know is that many people don’t care for themselves because society as taught us that it is selfish - which leads us to feel guilty, ashamed, and scared to think about putting ourselves first (let alone actually following through with it). Learn more about what self-care is and isn’t here.
Entrepreneurial-ship is so much more.
As entrepreneurs we know that this route is not for all and definitely isn’t easy. It involves so much vulnerability, stress, sacrifice, goal making and reaching (or attempting to reach), long hours, sleepless nights, risk taking, the continual search for improvement in all the things, and non stop creativity think thank - which inevitability leads to blurred to no boundaries between work and home which could be disastrous without some self-care.
So what now? Let’s think through some things and maybe write some new definitions…
We need debunk and reframe what being selfish is…
Learn about the different types of self care and how we are integrate these into our lives…
Hone in on the unique aspects of being an entrepreneur…
Allow ourselves space to step back from the grind and think about ways we can integrate these items into our day to day life in order to bring more compassion, curiosity and stability to our personal and professional lives…
Debunk and reframe what being selfish is
SELF-ISH
•Taking care of yourself first.
•Placing value on your own needs.
•Acknowledging your limited resources and understanding that what you prioritize becomes your life.
SELFISH
•Lacking consideration for others; concerned chiefly with one's own personal profit or pleasure.
•Making choices that benefit us at the expense of others.
•Careless.
Reading these out loud you can hear the difference. SELFISH vs SELF-ISH. For the purposes of this blog and when thinking about your self in the case of self care, we want to think about SELF-ISH and not frame self care as SELFISH.
Some experts say that self care is the opposite of selfish because when we do self care we become the best version of ourselves and are able to show up for our friends, loved ones and family better and be more present with them therefore benefitting everyone and not just ourselves. When we consistently put others ahead of ourselves, we send a message that our own needs are less important.
This unfortunately happens more often then you think. People often feel like “doormats”, maybe by being the one who gets stuck with the extra work at the office, the parents who can’t remember the last time they took a moment for themselves, the spouses who feel they can never win, and everyone who chronically puts the needs of others first.
Different types of self care
PHYSICAL
Involves movement, health, sleep, diet, touch and intimacy.
PSYCHOLOGICAL
Involved learning something new, thinking, engaging motivation from within, expression through creativity and intentionality.
EMOTIONAL
Enhances emotional literacy, assists one in navigating emotions, increasing empathy, managing stress more effectively, and develop compassion for self and others.
SOCIAL
Individuals that are in your life that you trust and can turn to when needed. Allows you to feel connected to others.
PROFESSIONAL
Maintaining clear professional boundaries, sharing your strengths and talents, and living your life and following your passions outside of work.
ENVIRONMENTAL
Clean, clutter free, organized work, business and personal environment.
SPIRITUAL
Beliefs and values that guide you and that are important to your life.
FINANCIAL
Being responsible with your finance and having a conscious relationship with money.
Learn more about the different types of self-care here.
Unique aspects of being an entrepreneur
Isolation: You may be a team of one and/or one of the few individuals in your industry in your area
Creativity: High demand and constant pressure for creativity and innovation
Passion: You are likely to be driven by passion, which can be much more emotionally draining then working for someone else or a corporation
Motivation: You are likely to be highly driven, motivated and goal oriented
Optimism: You are bound to face obstacles throughout your business journey and will likely use them as fuel to reach higher goals
Persuasive: We know that you know your sh*t, but at the beginning stages of starting a business there is a lot of mingling, talking and getting people to buy into your idea
Flexible: Adapting and adjusting, adapting and adjusting - the unspoken motto of the entrepreneurial life
Space
If you are an entrepreneur you probably embody some of the above qualities, if not all of them and maybe even some of these qualities to the extreme. Maybe so motivated that you never stop chasing after the next goal, or so creative that it’s hard for you stop writing down and putting time into your next big idea, or maybe so independent that you are becoming overwhelmed and feeling lonely at work and home. See what I am getting at here?
Though these qualities are fantabulous for your business, we need to create space and allow for more balance in our lives so we can remain and maintain stability to have the longevity in our beloved careers before we burn ourselves out! Cultivate compassion and curiosity about your schedule and lifestyle and allow for yourself to put YOU first from time to time.
Take control and rewrite the definitions of self-care and being an entrepreneur to work for you! Because remember if YOU are not at your best self, there is no way YOUR business is going to be at its best self.
Questions to ask yourself to learn more about and maybe even challenge some of your beliefs :)
Did you know anyone growing up that had their own business?
How did you learn about entrepreneurial-ship?
Were people in your life supportive of your decision to start your own business?
How you think of yourself as a creative?
What was the value placed on work in your household growing up?
What does selfishness mean to you?
Do you ever allow yourself to be in a place of not knowing?
Do you allow yourself to ask questions?
What was the value placed on hobbies in your household growing up?
Written by Shannon Gonter
I specialize in working with men and young adults. I am passionate about my career and want to work with you to create positive change. I also strive to create a counseling environment where men and young adults can relate, feel heard, and find new solutions to their negative patterns. Some issues that I most commonly work with are stress, relationship issues, difficulty saying “no” to others, difficulties recognizing emotions and emotionally connecting to others, anger, and intimacy issues, among others.
The information and resources contained on this website are for informational purposes only and are not intended to assess, diagnose, or treat any medical and/or mental health disease or condition. The use of this website does not imply nor establish any type of therapist-client relationship. Furthermore, the information obtained from this site should not be considered a substitute for a thorough medical and/or mental health evaluation by an appropriately credentialed and licensed professional.
Must Have Apps for Mental Health
We all have so many different apps on our phones (a lot of them that we never use). How about deleting some of those and replacing them with ones that can benefit your overall sense of self and mental health?
KORU MINDFULNESS
Koru Mindfulness® is an evidence-based curriculum specifically designed for teaching mindfulness, meditation, and stress management to college students and other young adults.
MINDFULNESS
Besides offering an extensive number of meditations with world-renowned teachers, the app also includes a reminder function which can be activated on specific times and places.
SANOMIND
Listen to audio content created by licensed therapists and psychologists.
INSIGHT TIMER
Offers the largest free library of guided meditations on earth and the world’s most loved meditation Timer, for free.
CALM
Calm is the perfect mindfulness app for beginners, but also includes hundreds of programs for intermediate and advanced users.
HEADSPACE
A personal meditation guide, right in your pocket with hundreds of themed sessions on everything from stress and sleep to anxiety and depression.
Written by Shannon Gonter
I specialize in working young adults. I am passionate about my career and want to work with you to create positive change. I also strive to create a counseling environment where men and young adults can relate, feel heard, and find new solutions to their negative patterns. Some issues that I most commonly work with are stress, relationship issues, difficulty saying “no” to others, difficulties recognizing emotions and emotionally connecting to others, anger, and intimacy issues, among others.
The information and resources contained on this website are for informational purposes only and are not intended to assess, diagnose, or treat any medical and/or mental health disease or condition. The use of this website does not imply nor establish any type of therapist-client relationship. Furthermore, the information obtained from this site should not be considered a substitute for a thorough medical and/or mental health evaluation by an appropriately credentialed and licensed professional.
Websites to visit to learn more about mental health
We are constantly surfing the web, scrolling through newsfeeds and consuming information. In this post, we will provide you with a handful of new sites and videos to watch to deepen your understanding of meditation, mindfulness based practices and vulnerability.
WILDMIND
Wildmind’s mission is to benefit the world by promoting mindfulness and compassion through the practice of Buddhist meditation.
KRISTEN NEFF’S SELF COMPASSION
Kristin Neff, Ph.D. is widely recognized as one of the world’s leading experts on self-compassion, being the first one to operationally define and measure the construct over a decade ago.
YOUTUBE
In a poignant, funny talk at TEDxHouston, Brene Brown shares a deep insight from her research, one that sent her on a personal quest to know herself as well as to understand humanity.
TARA BRANCH’S GUIDED MEDITATIONS
Tara Brach’s teachings blend Western psychology and Eastern spiritual practices, mindful attention to our inner life, and a full, compassionate engagement with our world.
MEDITATION OASIS
Through the use of guided meditation and technology, we have been able to bring meditation to thousands of people worldwide.
YOUTUBE
Kati Morton, a licensed therapist, channel is all about mental health. You name it and she talks about it.
Written by Shannon Gonter
I specialize in working young adults. I am passionate about my career and want to work with you to create positive change. I also strive to create a counseling environment where men and young adults can relate, feel heard, and find new solutions to their negative patterns. Some issues that I most commonly work with are stress, relationship issues, difficulty saying “no” to others, difficulties recognizing emotions and emotionally connecting to others, anger, and intimacy issues, among others.
The information and resources contained on this website are for informational purposes only and are not intended to assess, diagnose, or treat any medical and/or mental health disease or condition. The use of this website does not imply nor establish any type of therapist-client relationship. Furthermore, the information obtained from this site should not be considered a substitute for a thorough medical and/or mental health evaluation by an appropriately credentialed and licensed professional.
Process To Counseling With Shannon Gonter, LPCC
Shannon Gonter is a licensed professional clinical counselor in Louisville, KY providing individual mental health counseling in her office off Goldsmith Ln. and online.
How will I know you are the right counselor for me?
Take a look around my site, and trust your gut feelings!
If you're considering therapy and wondering how to begin, I’m here to guide you through the process. First, take some time to explore my website, blogs, and social media (Instagram & Facebook—though I’m not very active on these platforms) to see if what I share resonates with you. It’s important to find a therapist whose approach aligns with your needs and values.
If you find things that ring true for you, the next step is to reach out. You can complete an inquiry form on my website or contact me via email or phone (text preferred) to schedule your free phone consultation.
What to Expect During the Free Consultation Call
During this consultation, we’ll review important logistical details about my practice, such as location, fees, and session availability, to ensure everything works for you. I’ll also use this time to learn a little more about you and why you’re seeking therapy. You’re welcome to ask me any questions about counseling, my therapeutic style, or anything else on your mind.
After the Phone Consultation…
If we both feel that scheduling an initial appointment is the right next step, I’ll set you up with an intake appointment date and time. I’ll also send you the necessary paperwork to complete electronically before your first session.
If, for any reason, we decide that an intake appointment might not be the best next step, I’m happy to provide you with recommendations for other clinicians who may be a better fit for your needs.
Feel free to contact me if you have any further questions about this process or if you want to learn more about my services. I’m here to help you take the next steps toward your mental wellness journey.
Meet Shannon Gonter, professional counselor in Louisville, KY
FEMALE. PARTNER. ENTREPRENEUR. MENTAL HEALTH ADVOCATE. DAUGHTER. FLORIDIAN. CEREAL ENTHUSIAST. FRIEND. TYPE A. SISTER. PODCAST LOVER. LOUISVILLE TRANSPLANT. AUNT. CONNECTOR. NETFLIX SUPPORTER. ORGANIZER. THRILL SEEKER.
Written by Shannon Gonter
I specialize in working with men and young adults. I am passionate about my career and want to work with you to create positive change. I also strive to create a counseling environment where men and young adults can relate, feel heard, and find new solutions to their negative patterns. Some issues that I most commonly work with are stress, relationship issues, difficulty saying “no” to others, difficulties recognizing emotions and emotionally connecting to others, anger, and intimacy issues, among others.
The information and resources contained on this website are for informational purposes only and are not intended to assess, diagnose, or treat any medical and/or mental health disease or condition. The use of this website does not imply nor establish any type of therapist-client relationship. Furthermore, the information obtained from this site should not be considered a substitute for a thorough medical and/or mental health evaluation by an appropriately credentialed and licensed professional.
Living Alone in times of COVID-19
Isolation is tough. Loneliness is difficult. Navigating both during the time of a global pandemic can be overwhelming. Learn the difference of isolation and loneliness in this post and assist yourself in igniting the healing process during times of COVID-19.
Thank you to YPAL for hosting this Instagram live interview and for all that you do for Louisville’s young professional community.
Question: I live alone and I am feeling really lonely, what can I do?
Oh yeah totally, great question. A lot of the population lives alone, and this can be an added struggle to the physical distancing we have going on and will be doing into the future.
One important thing to keep in mind is that there is a difference between isolation and loneliness. A lot of people use the words as one in the same, but they are quite different. Isolation is a physical state where loneliness is an emotional state.
So do an internal check in and see if you are feeling isolated or lonely.
Since loneliness is an emotion and emotions are fluid and come and go it is something that can fluctuate quite often. We can feel lonely while with a group of people, we can feel lonely when we are alone, we can feel lonely while with our families.
At the core of loneliness is the quality of the connection you have to self and others, not the quantity of interactions you have.
So, all though physical isolation can definitely bring on or heighten feelings of loneliness and make this experience feel a bit more complicated, they don’t have to come as a package deal. Thank goodness for the internet, good weather, resources and ways to connect with friends, family, strangers, and more because this can allow us to connect with ourselves and others during these times.
No human is perfect and one of the things we all have in common is our mental health. No one here is immune to mental health struggles and concerns. We all have had some degree of mental health symptoms (anxiety, depression, sadness, loneliness, fear, worry, phobias, etc….) present before COVID-19 but they were able to avoid and distract themselves or avoid these symptoms a lot easier than they are now because they were able to socialize in person, go to the gym, go to a bar, or whatever else they were doing.
Now since we have those outlets shut down or restricted, we cannot get too far from our own thoughts and are finding that we don’t know how to deal with these thoughts and feelings and COVID-19 and its uncertainty is exacerbating these.
Important to take note of your experiences and make sure you are keeping yourself safe. Reach out to a friend or a loved one and ask for help. Reach out to a medical or mental health professional for assistance. Call a hotline to ask questions and connect. A good hotline to call if you or someone you know is feeling unsafe due to a mental health crisis is 1-800-273-8255, or call 911, or go to your local hospital, The Brook, Peace Hospital (call before going in)
Suicide Risk factors:
· Previous suicide attempt / family hx of suicide
· Easy access to lethal means
· Lack of social support
· Stigma against talking about it and asking for help
· Substance use issues
· Impulsivity
· Previous trauma hx
Suicide Protective factors:
· Support from family, friends, medical professionals
· Coping skills
· Restricted access to lethal means
· Cultural and religious support
Questions to ask:
How are you coping with what's been happening in your life?
Do you ever feel like just giving up?
Are you thinking about dying?
Are you thinking about hurting yourself?
Are you thinking about killing yourself?
Have you ever thought about killing yourself before, or tried to harm yourself before?
Have you thought about how or when you'd do it?
Do you have access to weapons or things that can be used as weapons to harm yourself?
People think that talking about suicide and killing yourself is going to make that individual do it more. That is false and research has proven it over and over again that talking about suicide and explicitly asking the questions of “do you think about killing yourself” grants that individual permission to be open and honest since you are the one who is being up front and bringing it into the conversation.
SAFETY is the number one thing here to keep in mind.What to do:
What to do:
· Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255 (Can call to ask questions, get support, connected to resources in your community, etc.)
· 911
· Go to your local hospital, The Brook, Peace Hospital (call before going in)
· Connect yourself or a loved one to a therapist
Written by: Shannon Gonter, LPCC
Shannon Gonter, Professional Counseling in Louisville, KY
I specialize in working with men and young adults. I am passionate about my career and want to work with you to create positive change. I also strive to create a counseling environment where men and young adults can relate, feel heard, and find new solutions to their negative patterns. Some issues that I most commonly work with are stress, relationship issues, difficulty saying “no” to others, difficulties recognizing emotions and emotionally connecting to others, anger, and intimacy issues, among others.
The information and resources contained on this website are for informational purposes only and are not intended to assess, diagnose, or treat any medical and/or mental health disease or condition. The use of this website does not imply nor establish any type of therapist-client relationship. Furthermore, the information obtained from this site should not be considered a substitute for a thorough medical and/or mental health evaluation by an appropriately credentialed and licensed professional.
Maintaining a self-care routine when in a global crisis
A minor change in our days schedule can throw off our self care for the day. What happens when there is a MAJOR change to our day to day? Is self care the first to go? Learn how to stay on top of your self-care during these uncertain times.
Thank you to YPAL for hosting this Instagram live interview and for all that you do for Louisville’s young professional community.
Question is: How do you maintain a self-care routine or keep that top of mind when you are so worried about your job, the economy and your loved ones?
First thing. Breathe. Take a deep breath. Or Maybe multiple. This is something I have to do multiple times a day. Though it sounds elementary, intentional deep breathing has mounds of research behind it to support how effective it is in calming the body and mind. (demonstrate and show them how)
So, after that I remind myself that the one constant in life is change. Just how our lives have changed so much due to physical distancing and the shutdowns, our self-care routines are also going to shift because of that or shift day to day just as they did before COVID-19.
Something that is super important to understand during these odd times is that it’s okay to not be okay, and it’s okay that you aren’t eating healthy, running every day, renovating your house and getting all your work/school assignments complete at the same speed as before.
Send your body and mind some grace and love during this crisis. Remember that a lot of your brain space is being taken up by COVID-19 and the transitions we have had to endure, so naturally it is going to slow or take over some of the other functions.
Though I said before that self-care isn’t a crisis management tool, that doesn’t mean that it cannot help in a crisis. It just may not have the same affects as it would of if you were conditioning that muscle before the crisis.
So, start conditioning that muscle now and make sure you are keeping those realistic expectations at the forefront of your brain during these times. Deep breathing, socializing, or other self-care strategies are not going to bring you back down to your “normal” baseline, but maybe they will help ease or lower your heart rate or allow you time to pause and reflect.
We are in the middle of a pandemic, so it would be quite weird if you were feeling “normal” and “in control” and “sturdy”
Written by: Shannon Gonter, LPCC
Shannon Gonter, Professional Counseling in Louisville, KY
I specialize in working with men and young adults. I am passionate about my career and want to work with you to create positive change. I also strive to create a counseling environment where men and young adults can relate, feel heard, and find new solutions to their negative patterns. Some issues that I most commonly work with are stress, relationship issues, difficulty saying “no” to others, difficulties recognizing emotions and emotionally connecting to others, anger, and intimacy issues, among others.
The information and resources contained on this website are for informational purposes only and are not intended to assess, diagnose, or treat any medical and/or mental health disease or condition. The use of this website does not imply nor establish any type of therapist-client relationship. Furthermore, the information obtained from this site should not be considered a substitute for a thorough medical and/or mental health evaluation by an appropriately credentialed and licensed professional.
COVID-19 Self-Care
Self-care is quite a trendy term and it is often overlooked. In this post we will break down the 8 different categories of self-care.
Thank you to YPAL for hosting this Instagram live interview and for all that you do for Louisville’s young professional community.
Transcription:
Hey! I am Shannon Gonter, and I am a licensed professional clinical counselor here in Louisville. I went to U of L for graduate school and did some post graduate work at Bellarmine. In my private practice, I do in person and online individual mental health counseling with adults residing in KY. I mostly work with young adults ranging from 18-35 who are struggling with pressure, perfectionism, emotional suppression, lack of purpose, and the struggles of living up to societies high expectations. After counseling, my clients often feel less stuck in life, more confident in their personal and professional lives, more connected to their emotions, are able to live life by their rules and not the rules that were set for them by others, and just have a better overall understanding of who they are therefore allowing them to navigate their relationships with more ease.
So, Self-care is…
an intentional, necessary and caring thing to do that creates more space for you to focus on you. That may be physical space created, mental space, emotional space, spiritual space, etc. It is something that allows you to focus on you.
Whenever talking about what self-care is I feel the need to point out what Self-care is not (because there are a lot of conscious and unconscious misconceptions out there)
Self-care is quite a trendy term and we do hear a lot about how we need to be “doing more of it” but the reason we don’t just all “do more self-care” is because there is some friction caused by taking time for ourselves.
1) a lot of people don’t really know what self-care is and just think it is pedicures and massages and a privilege (which I am here to tell you that it isn’t)
2) we have also been socialized to view a lot of true self-care activities as selfish and been taught that being selfish is bad (so we naturally steer away from it)
3) We think that self-care is just “adding more of” to our already busy schedules. Which is also false because the point of doing self-care is to make things feel less heavy. So if your “self-care” activities are leaving you feeling guilty if you don’t do them, or exhausted---it may not be self-care for you.
4) Finally, a lot of people just turn to self-care during a crisis and then are like “self-care doesn’t even work for me”. That’s like doing to the gym once and then being surprised that you can’t squat 200 lbs. That’s just not how it works.
Think of self-care like a muscle. If you don’t regularly use those muscles, when you do they are in shock and get quite sore after. But if you give those muscles attention, condition them and use them on the reg, they are much easier to access, know what to do and won’t create so much turmoil for you the next day.
So just like there are different types of muscles in your arm, there are different types of self-care (8).
Physical
o Involves movement, health, sleep, diet, touch and intimacy.
Eating on the reg, napping, wearing clothes that make you feel good, seeking medical care when needed, being sexual with yourself or your partner/partners, running, dancing…)
Psychological
o Involves learning something new, thinking, engaging motivation from within, expression through creativity and intentionality.
Journaling, finding time to reflect throughout your day, allowing yourself to be curious, doing a digital detox, going to counseling, saying “no” to extra responsibilities…
Emotional
o Enhances emotional literacy, assists one in navigating emotions, increasing empathy, managing stress more effectively, and develop compassion for self and others.
Loving yourself, allowing yourself to cry, staying in contact with people from your past, spending time with those who you enjoy, expressing your outrage in social action, letters, donations, volunteering, marches, protests…
Social
o Individuals that are in your life that you trust and can turn to when needed. Allows you to feel connected to others.
Meeting new people, volunteering, asking for help when needed, maintaining health boundaries with others, maintaining your commitments made…
Professional
o Maintaining clear professional boundaries, sharing your strengths and talents, and living your life and following your passions outside of work.
Actually take a lunch break, being clear with your roles and responsibilities for your day to day, remind yourself that you can negotiate your needs to be met…
Environmental
o Clean, clutter free, organized work, business and personal environment.
Not littering, monitoring your technology time, decluttering your house, cleaning your clothes on a regular basis, taking care of your car/bike…
Spiritual
o Beliefs and values that guide you and that are important to your life.
Spending time in nature, connect with community, be aware of nonmaterial aspects of life, don’t be the expert at all times, meditation…
Financial
o Being responsible with your finance and having a conscious relationship with money.
Knowing how much income is coming in, knowing what your expenses are, keeping your insurances up to date, completing taxes on time, saving for future events…
Usually people are not naturally - equally good at being aware of and maintaining all 8 categories of self-care at once. They are going to fluctuate given the person, time of year, work schedule, life happenings, etc. Maybe you are a highly spiritual individual so that category is always overflowing but you are not fiscally tuned in. So maybe spending some time and creating space for new financial self-care skills could assist you and your overall well-being.
As pretty much everything does, certain aspects of self-care look different during the times of COVID-19 because our schedules are out of whack, there is a lot of uncertainty going around, everything has gone virtual, school is cancelled, anxiety is high and I could just keep going on and on with all the changes but I’ll stop there.
Written by: Shannon Gonter, LPCC
Shannon Gonter, Professional Counseling in Louisville, KY
I specialize in working with men and young adults. I am passionate about my career and want to work with you to create positive change. I also strive to create a counseling environment where men and young adults can relate, feel heard, and find new solutions to their negative patterns. Some issues that I most commonly work with are stress, relationship issues, difficulty saying “no” to others, difficulties recognizing emotions and emotionally connecting to others, anger, and intimacy issues, among others.
The information and resources contained on this website are for informational purposes only and are not intended to assess, diagnose, or treat any medical and/or mental health disease or condition. The use of this website does not imply nor establish any type of therapist-client relationship. Furthermore, the information obtained from this site should not be considered a substitute for a thorough medical and/or mental health evaluation by an appropriately credentialed and licensed professional.
What Are The Benefits and Risks of Counseling?
Counseling is a collaborative process which involves the development of a confidential, unique, therapeutic, helping relationship. This relationship is unlike any other as I, and other mental health therapists, will act as a facilitator in helping you better understand yourself, the world around you, your feelings, and your behaviors.
Counseling is a collaborative process which involves the development of a confidential, unique, therapeutic, helping relationship. This relationship is unlike any other as I, and other mental health therapists, will act as a facilitator in helping you better understand yourself, the world around you, your feelings, and your behaviors.
As is the case with most things in life, there are both benefits and risks while participating in counseling. Counseling may improve your ability to relate with others, provide a clearer understanding of yourself, your values, and your goals, and it often helps relieve stress. Counseling often leads to better relationships, solutions to specific problems, and significant improvement in feelings of distress.
Along with these benefits, counseling will also involve discussing the unpleasant parts of your life, and you may experience uncomfortable feelings during these moments, and after sessions. But remember that using the awareness of one’s pain can aid the healing process and result in better relationships with yourself and others.
Please understand that there are no guarantees of what you will experience while in counseling as each individual and their experiences are so unique. Sometimes personal growth can be quick and easy and other times it may be slow and difficult. Good thing is that the majority of individuals who attend counseling find immense physical and emotional relief and are able to live a happier and healthier lives.
Written by: Shannon Gonter, LPCC
Shannon Gonter, Professional Counseling in Louisville, KY
I specialize in working with men and young adults. I am passionate about my career and want to work with you to create positive change. I also strive to create a counseling environment where men and young adults can relate, feel heard, and find new solutions to their negative patterns. Some issues that I most commonly work with are stress, relationship issues, difficulty saying “no” to others, difficulties recognizing emotions and emotionally connecting to others, anger, and intimacy issues, among others.
The information and resources contained on this website are for informational purposes only and are not intended to assess, diagnose, or treat any medical and/or mental health disease or condition. The use of this website does not imply nor establish any type of therapist-client relationship. Furthermore, the information obtained from this site should not be considered a substitute for a thorough medical and/or mental health evaluation by an appropriately credentialed and licensed professional.
COVID-19 Resources
Shannon Gonter, professional counselor with will detail the three main transitions affecting those due to COVID-19, some symptoms people might be experiencing and some actionable steps to take to cope during these uncertain times.
With any change, even the ones we plan for, we are going to have some difficulties transitioning and adjusting to the new. It’s wired deep down inside of us to be hesitant towards change (even when we know it’s good for us).
Because no human is perfect and all humans have mental health concerns, we all had some degree of mental health symptoms (anxiety, depression, sadness, fear, worry, phobias, etc…) present before COVID-19.
So in this situation, no wonder most people are struggling to adjust to this “new norm”. A pandemic is NOT something good and it is NOT something we prepared/planned for and it is NOT in our control. Plus the very uncertain time frame for how long it’ll be here for…surely makes a lot of room for mental health symptoms to increase and rise to the surface.
In this post we will focus on the ways each and every one of our lives has changed over the past couple of weeks due to COVID-19.
Now because there are so many different ways this has all affected us and we all have such unique situations, I am not going to be able to touch on every single shift, symptom and coping skill but I am going to do my best to focus on three of the biggest changes and the symptoms people are experiencing and some actionable skills to assist you in getting through this.
So I have broken it into three different categories: SOCIAL DISTANCING, WORK, AND SCHOOL
Common Symptoms:
EVERYONE REACTS DIFFERENTLY TO STRESSFUL SITUATIONS, so don’t compare yourself to others. If you neighbor is over there “looking” fine and doing all sorts of renos on their house. Go them, but you aren’t them. If you are over there watching Netflix, go you. You do you. We are each unique in how we digest information and how we react to it. Check in with yourself and evaluate the new and changing symptoms you are experiencing and compare them with your baseline and history. You have had things happen to you in the past that you had no control of. How did you work through and tackle those? Use that data to help reframe this situation as best as it can.
Some people may be experiencing
changes in sleep and eating habits
increased fear and worry
difficulties concentrating
increase usage of alcohol or other substances
symptoms of anxiety (rapid breathing, overthinking, sweating, trembling, pressure in chest, feelings of restlessness, etc)
depressive symptoms (fatigue, loss of interest/pleasure in activities, hopelessness, discontentment, mood swings, agitation, excessive crying, thoughts of harming or killing yourself etc.)
Please call 911 or national hotline at 1-800-273-8255 if you are having thoughts of harming or killing yourself or others
Transitions:
Social Distancing
Not being able to see friends and family, cancelled/postponed trips and events, not having the freedom to go out to our favorite restaurant, bars, shops, museums, gyms…
Skills: Take breaks, take care of your health, unwind, and connect
Take breaks. Like real breaks, not ones that consist of mindlessly scrolling through Instagram. Get outside, phone a friend, go for a walk, watch a comedy show, do a favorite hobby, etc. Doesn’t have to be long but it does need to happen multiple times throughout your day. We forget that we naturally have some breaks built into our days (commuting to and from work, running errands, walking here and there, etc) so during these times when we are pretty much staying in one place, we just need to be more mindful to give ourselves the baseline of breaks, but also maybe even more due to the heightened stress.
Take care of your health.
Food: Make sure you are staying on schedule and eating as your normal do. It is suggested to have three meals a day and some snacks. Make sure you are drinking PLENTY of water. Also a great time to explore new recipes, eat clean and support local when you can!
Physical: When it’s nice out GET OUTSIDE. Soak in the sun. Go for a walk. Workout. Move your body. I know Shred415, Inner Warrior, and all sorts of other gyms are providing free and paid for virtual workouts. Take advantage!
Mind: Meditate, do mindfulness based activities, focus on your breathing, sitting still and in silence, listen to calming music, unplug from your phone, stop the mindless scroll on social media from time to time…
Unwind. Do things that you enjoy. Whatever you used to do on your time off, see if you can still do it (just from the safety of your own home). Lots of adults don’t have hobbies and I have been seeing this great post go around saying “In retrospect, I should’ve developed more hobbies beyond “going out to eat”. This is SO true for so many and what can help you in finding these hobbies is thinking back to what you used to do as a kid and see if you can pick any of those back up. Maybe it was dance, volleyball, running, drawing, singing, writing music, reading, organizing, painting, knitting…
Connect. Use technology for all its good! Lots of us have our phones tied to our hands all day every day and are very accustomed to using it for work, social media and calling/texting/facetiming someone for a short conversation.
The way we are now having to use technology to connect is a bit different so we need to reframe how we think about it. We need to remove its professional identify (for example using zoom for social things and not just work) and take the pressure off of it (for example you don’t have to call someone to ask them a question you can simply just call to call). You can have a virtual happy hour, game night, watch Netflix together with the Chrome extension, workout together, etc. And don’t forget to talk about non COVID topics too!
Work
Working from home, going into work and having new hygiene and safety rules and regulations, working more hours, getting laid off, being on lack of work
Skills: make a schedule, follow the rules. lean on your community and the government for support
Make a schedule (similar to your typical one) wake up, get dressed, and if at all possible set up your office in a designated “work” area. I know not everyone’s living situations will allow for you have a legit office and desk but what we want to avoid is your couch turning into the catch all. Where you work, where you eat, where you watch TV, where you video chat people, etc. We want to create some type of separation physically so then mentally it will be easier for you to transition from “work mode” to “home mode”.
Follow your work guidelines if you are going into work still. Wash your hands, don’t touch your face, maintain social distancing at the workspace and remind yourself that this is all new so don’t beat yourself up when you make a mistake or are slower at your job duties. The hygiene hyper-vigilance and extra precautions are not to be annoying, they are for your safety.
Lean on your community. Font line workers may be doing overtime or working well over their typical schedule in order to meet the demands of this virus. During this time rely on your community and loved ones for support. Maybe it is doing grocery delivery, takeout meals, or having a friend drop off meals for you so you don’t have to spend the time in public at the store. Maybe it means relaxing the duties around the house so when you come home you can do your essentials and do to bed. Maybe it would be helpful to make your house or room a CALM sanctuary and only allowing things in there that make you feel good. Prioritize yourself and your safety during this time and maybe let the non essential household duties and expectations be more relaxed during these times.
Take lots of deep breaths, knowing that help is there for you and that it is okay to ask for help. For discounted online therapy session from licensed mental health professionals around the nation check out https://www.coronavirusonlinetherapy.com
Rely on the government aid during this time. If you have been laid off during this time, push the stigma of receiving financial assistance from others aside and take care of yourself and your family. No one saw this coming. No one could have prepared for these happenings. You being laid off has nothing to do with you and your work ethic and has all the things to do with protecting you and others from this virus. Surround yourself with loved ones, lovely things and rely on the community and government to get you through these hardships.
School
Kids being home from school, figuring out what to do for childcare, navigating online classes, your classes being cancelled, graduations being cancelled, end of the year celebrations being cancelled…
Skills: Breathe, re organize priorities, lower expectations and reframe
Breathe. If you have kids and they are out of school or their childcare has stopped. Breathe. You don’t need to do it all. Reminder that you are just one person who had NO TRAINING for this. Be open with your employer about the situation (sure they will already be in the know). Lower your expectations and be kind to yourself and do what you can do without losing your mind! You aren’t going to be able to do it all (perfect employee, homeschool teacher, cleaner, master chef, gardener, etc.).
Re organize priorities. If you are in classes and they have been moved online. Adaption is going to be key here. Online classes aren’t everyone’s favorite I know, but the plus side is that your school is allowing you to complete your course online and not making you retake the entire semester. Reframe. Not ideal, but could be worse.
Written by Shannon Gonter
I specialize in working young adults. I am passionate about my career and want to work with you to create positive change. I also strive to create a counseling environment where men and young adults can relate, feel heard, and find new solutions to their negative patterns. Some issues that I most commonly work with are stress, relationship issues, difficulty saying “no” to others, difficulties recognizing emotions and emotionally connecting to others, anger, and intimacy issues, among others.
The information and resources contained on this website are for informational purposes only and are not intended to assess, diagnose, or treat any medical and/or mental health disease or condition. The use of this website does not imply nor establish any type of therapist-client relationship. Furthermore, the information obtained from this site should not be considered a substitute for a thorough medical and/or mental health evaluation by an appropriately credentialed and licensed professional.
Tips To Combat Perfectionism
Having perfectionistic ideals can be detrimental to your emotional wellbeing, lively hood and relationships. In this post we will explore the ways to combat your perfectionistic tendencies.
Create personal goals and expectations (more realistic ones)
Go ahead and let yourself know that you are enough. What you are doing right now, and thinking right now and feeling right now IS ENOUGH.
By letting go and setting some more realistic goals you’ll gain so much because you will no longer be spinning your wheels trying to reach the impossible.
Challenge negative thoughts and your inner critic
Let’s turn down the volume to that negativity! Your emotional wellbeing does not need to be beaten up, so back off and switch things up.
EX Perfectionistic Thoughts: My co-workers should never be late for meetings. If my co-workers are late it is because they don’t care about me or the topic at hand.
EX Alternative Thoughts: Maybe they lost track of time, or maybe they got stuck in traffic. Even when we try to be on time, sometimes life happens. Heck, this even happens to me sometimes!
EX Evaluating Perfectionistic Thoughts and Alternative Thoughts: My alternative thoughts are far more plausible and realistic. My perfectionistic thoughts really don’t serve me any purpose (other than getting me all wound up).
EX Choosing a More Realistic and Helpful Perspective: This really isn’t that bad, its just a few minutes. And if it continues to be a regular issue, then I will address it with them at a later date.
Look at the big picture
Get out of the details and let’s look at the bigger picture. Often times perfectionists getting bogged down with the nitty gritty and it can end up causing more worry than what is useful.
You can ask yourself the following questions to assist in this process:
1. Does it really matter?
2. What is the worst that could happen?
3. If the worst does happen, can I survive it?
4. Will this still matter tomorrow? How about next week? Next year?
Prioritize yourself
Focus on self care. Connect with loved ones, invest in therapy, re-connect with an old hobby, read, get outside, go for a walk, take deep breaths…
Say “no” more
We know you’ve got high ambitions but #YOUCANTDOITALL
Learn to set boundaries and say “no” to the things that don’t need to have your hand in, don’t fill you up or you don’t want to do. Setting healthy boundaries will assist you in regaining control of your schedule and energy levels.
Repeat, repeat, repeat… “time off is not time wasted”
Being bored is good. Resting is great and taking breaks is necessary! For perfectionist, it is easy to practice that relaxation is wasted time not spent on achieving said goals.
But in reality our creativity originates and grows in times of rest. This down time gives us the ability to remain healthy and feel refreshed so when it is time to get back at it we can show up as our full selves and chip away towards our goals.
Trust, trust, trust
Remind yourself that it’s all going to work out (in time). Provide yourself some reassurance using the data from your life to show yourself that you get things done. Feel secure opposed to being overwhelmed. Don’t panic because your history shows that you are a “doer” and that it will all get done (with time).
Take breaks
Sometimes these will be 1 minute breaks, 5 minutes breaks or hour long breaks. Important thing is that you are taking a break. For those of you that the thought of taking breaks initiates that “breaks = wasted time” alarm just take a breath. It may not be natural for you to prioritize yourself, so it may be helpful for you to schedule in your breaks. This will get you used to what it feels like in order to see the benefits and the importance of recharging.
Use “Hypothesis Testing”
Let’s carry out some small experiments. Try sending an email without proofreading it, show up a few minutes late to a meeting, buy something online without reading every single review. According to perfectionist standards, this may seem like half ass-ing things.
So yeah, let’s try that and see if the world ends?! Even if the result ends up being “negative”, it probably wasn’t as bad as you thought it was going to be (though you brain may be telling you something different).
And how did it feel to not drive yourself (or others) crazy? Or did you gain back some time or save some energy that could be used elsewhere?
From When Perfect Isn’t Good Enough: Strategies for Coping with Perfectionism:
An excellent way to test the accuracy of your perfectionistic thoughts and predictions is to carry out small experiments, a process also known as hypothesis testing. Carefully designed experiments will provide an opportunity to disprove your perfectionistic beliefs. For example, if you tend to write papers that are too detailed, try leaving out some of the detail and seeing what happens. Regardless of the outcome, you will obtain valuable information. If there is no consequence, you will learn that your beliefs about the importance of including all of the details are not true.
Take a vacation
Doesn’t have to be fancy. Maybe its a 1/2 day trip, full day trip or weekend getaway, There is nothing like getting out of your regular schedule or town and spending time in a different way.
Stop multitasking
You think you are the exception to the multitasking rule, but you're not. You are wasting your time trying to do it all and do it all at the same time. Stop doing all the things and stop doing them all at once!
Don’t hold others to the same standards (this will take practice)
When you navigate your life doing everything perfect, it is common to have those expectations carry over to how we expect others to behave. Issue with this is that not everyone is wired like you. Bring awareness to the thoughts and expectations you have of others and challenge and shift those just as you would if they were thoughts about yourself (see above).
Take on someones else’s perspective
Point of view is a very important aspect of human connection and interaction. , Perfectionist often have a hard time seeing others perspectives but being able to take on someone else’s perspective can be very beneficial. For example, if i think “I am lazy” because I went to the gym for an hour today and not 2 hours, it might be helpful to think about this from someone else’s perspective. So, to do this I could ask myself
How would Susan (friend) view this situation?
Are there other ways of looking at this situation?
What would I tell a close friend who was having this dilemma?
Reward yourself
Remember that a big thing keeping the perfectionistic standards top priority is FEAR OF FAILURE. And it is tough work facing your fears head on. So give yourself a break and pamper yourself throughout this lifelong journey of change.
Shannon Gonter, LPCC
Written by Shannon Gonter
I specialize in working young adults. I am passionate about my career and want to work with you to create positive change. I also strive to create a counseling environment where men and young adults can relate, feel heard, and find new solutions to their negative patterns. Some issues that I most commonly work with are stress, relationship issues, difficulty saying “no” to others, difficulties recognizing emotions and emotionally connecting to others, anger, and intimacy issues, among others.
The information and resources contained on this website are for informational purposes only and are not intended to assess, diagnose, or treat any medical and/or mental health disease or condition. The use of this website does not imply nor establish any type of therapist-client relationship. Furthermore, the information obtained from this site should not be considered a substitute for a thorough medical and/or mental health evaluation by an appropriately credentialed and licensed professional.
Will My Counselor Really Keep My Information Confidential?
The law protects the privacy of all communications between a client and a counselor. In most situations, I can only release information about our professional relationship if you sign a written authorization form.
How do you really know that the information, stories and hardships shared with a mental health counselor will not be shared with others?
The law protects the privacy of ALL communications between a client and a counselor. It is important to note that the “all” really means all here. Communication in face to face sessions, tele-health sessions, texts, phone calls, emails, faxes, in person communication outside of session, literally all communications from once you become a client to forever - all kept confidential. And yes I do mean forever. Most licensing boards and confidentially laws extend past the death of a client. Therefore meaning if Bob Bobberson was my client from 2016-2018, I will still keep his information (and the fact that he was a client of mine) for my ears and eyes only and in 50 years it will still be the same, and when he passes away, still the same.
Though Louisville is not a small town, it by no means is a large city. Therefore, there is the potential for you to cross paths with your counselor outside of the therapy hour. Your counselor will likely discuss their policy surrounding this during your intake appointment, but if they don’t - then ask them about it to plan for future happenings. If you do run into each other outside of the therapy hour in the community, your therapist will most likely will not make it known that they know you (because even outside of session it is our duty to protect you). Suggestion to have this discussion with your counselor to see how they would handle situations such as this outside of session and plan accordingly.
Personally, if I see my clients at Kroger, Cherokee Park, a bar, the movies, etc. I act as if we have never met. This is not because I don’t want to smile at them or say hi to them, it is to protect my clients and their rights as a client of mine. I also want to ensure that they are not put in a situation of having to explain to a family member, friend or bystander how they know me. If my client makes the decision to interact with me in the community, that is their personal choice and I will follow their lead.
Limits to Confidentiality
In most situations, a counselor can only release information about your professional relationship if you sign a written authorization form (ROI).
But there are some situations in which counselors are legally obligated to take actions that they believe may be necessary to protect the client or others from harm. If such a situation arises, the counselor will limit disclosure to what is necessary in the given situation.
If the professional has reason to believe that a child or vulnerable adult is being neglected or abused, the law requires that the situation be reported to the appropriate state agency. If the counselor believes a client presents clear and substantial danger of harm to themselves or another/others, they are ethically obligated to take protective actions.
These actions may include contacting family members, seeking a higher level of care, notifying any potential victim(s), and notifying the police.
While this summary is designed to provide an overview of confidentiality and its limits, your counselor will review this with you during your first session and should also be written within the paperwork signed prior to your first session. Don’t hesitate to ask your therapist any questions about the laws of confidentiality. This is a very unique thing between your relationship with a counselor and someone else and needs to be clearly understood by all.
I am Shannon Gonter and I specialize in working with men and young adults. I am passionate about my career and want to work with you to create positive change. I also strive to create a counseling environment where men and young adults can relate, feel heard, and find new solutions to their negative patterns. Some issues that I most commonly work with are stress, relationship issues, difficulty saying “no” to others, difficulties recognizing emotions and emotionally connecting to others, anger, and intimacy issues, among others.
The information and resources contained on this website are for informational purposes only and are not intended to assess, diagnose, or treat any medical and/or mental health disease or condition. The use of this website does not imply nor establish any type of therapist-client relationship. Furthermore, the information obtained from this site should not be considered a substitute for a thorough medical and/or mental health evaluation by an appropriately credentialed and licensed professional.
Difference between a high achiever and a perfectionist
Though not everyone knows, there is a big difference between being a perfectionist and being a high achiever. This blog will detail the differences between the two.
High Achiever
Strives to do their best at all times
Understands the mistakes will happen along the way
Enjoys the journey
And the outcome
Very resilient
Because they know that mistakes are going to happen, they can bounce back from them with more ease.
Comfortable and enjoys constructive criticism
Sees this as a needed step and great opportunity to grow
Perfectionist
Fears failure or rejection
At all costs
Usually has lower self esteem
Seeking validation externally because they haven’t found it inside themselves yet.
Doesn’t always enjoy the journey
Because they are so focused on the results
Rigid
Black and white thinking
Doesn’t respond well to criticism
Because this leads to them questioning themselves and the mere fact that anything less than perfection = failure
Written by Shannon Gonter
I specialize in working young adults. I am passionate about my career and want to work with you to create positive change. I also strive to create a counseling environment where men and young adults can relate, feel heard, and find new solutions to their negative patterns. Some issues that I most commonly work with are stress, relationship issues, difficulty saying “no” to others, difficulties recognizing emotions and emotionally connecting to others, anger, and intimacy issues, among others.
The information and resources contained on this website are for informational purposes only and are not intended to assess, diagnose, or treat any medical and/or mental health disease or condition. The use of this website does not imply nor establish any type of therapist-client relationship. Furthermore, the information obtained from this site should not be considered a substitute for a thorough medical and/or mental health evaluation by an appropriately credentialed and licensed professional.